Wide awake and barely wandering

It’s amazing how a million thoughts, ideas and actions come to me at night. Right before I switch off to go to sleep, my brain switches on igniting a current of thoughts running through my mind.

At midnight I’m my most confident. At midnight I feel more creative than ever. At midnight my strength comes alive. All while my brain goes into overdrive.

Over the last month I had been lying awake until after the clock had struck 12, thinkingScreen Shot 2014-11-01 at 12.39.37 pm about the perfect way to quit my job, leaving behind a loving, hard-working 7 year career without letting depression be the cause of my resignation, but a reason to chase a lifetime of dreams. I think about what the next 6 months hold knowing I’m starting a new journey, in a new country, creating new friends, new work – a new lease on life. I think back to my mum saying ‘you can’t run away from your problems’. I lie there convincing myself – this is not escaping this is living.

I read an article about 15 things 20-somethings should do to get the most out of life. The top 3 immediately struck a chord with me, and reassured me, yes this is living.

#1 – Travel:

Boy am I proud this is poll position. The moment I stepped onto foreign land I became familiar with myself, it was like each vein in my body started pumping with the culture of the soil I was laying each foot upon.

It is by-partisan the mechanism for the next two

#2 – Money:

Don’t let it control you. The days when I felt most free was when I didn’t care so much on keeping everything secure for the sake of a mortgage. I felt trapped and lost a part of me. Every decision I made at work was for the purpose of becoming paranoid that I was going to lose my job, because how would we pay the mortgage? Not that I need money for my next holiday, not taking it back to #1 where travel made me see a different world, where people on the other side make shit happen with little or close to nothing. This is where most adults get caught up.

#3 – Identity:

Who am I? In 2010 I never felt more sure of who I was. I was confident, well-travelled and had zero debt. 4 years later I found myself feeling disconnected to me, and the world that I loved so much.

The last ‘holiday’ I went on was for two weeks, it was just enough time to switch off then to switch back on again. I came back from South East Asia saying to my husband I IMG_5909want more. We are not these type of travellers. I felt like I betrayed my sense of discovery and wandering. I do not live to work. I sit at my desk in front of mycomputer, all day, feeling more and more uncomfortable. Not only is my ass growing day-by-day, but my fingers are feeling tired, my eyes are heavy and all the while my feet are itchy. I have never felt more than ever that this office job gig is really not what humans are built for. Why as humans do we feel the need to work until we die? Because, Carissa that’s just how life is, I’m told.

Well I’m here saying, no it isn’t. Firstly, because if you do something you love, you don’t have to work a day in your life.

I was driving home from my local shopping centre, and pulled up next to a blue 4WD at the traffic lights. The car was advertising a website and content design business, known as The Buzz Writer. I thought to myself out loud, hey I need something like that for Start Wandering and quickly jotted down the details. A few weeks later I am introduced to Llew Dowley, who shares her story of how she came to quit her corporate career to start working from home close with her family doing the things she loves. Now she is known as a mumtreprenuer, who helps other businesses and blogs all while telling her own crazy stories about being a mum and dealing with post-natal depression. I told her I had been dreaming of doing this for a few years now and she shared back to me nothing is really stopping you, except you. Her husband has also seen her happiness and has ventured into his own business also. I left that meeting feeling invigorated, and weeks later having read her book of discovering and coping with depression, just like me and millions of other people around the world, I felt like I needed to take action. I can do this. And if it is what you want to, so can you.

Screen Shot 2014-11-03 at 4.22.06 pm

The beginning of my blogging venture – a website and a couple hundred business cards

I guess, what I’m trying to say is, it’s not only travelling that is a means for living your dreams, but my guess is it’s travel your passionate about if you’re following my page. No matter your passion or your stage of life there are so many people out there doing it right now. And your response is, yeah tell me a way I can live my life on the road without working?

Just to name a few:

So as I take the courage to quit my job, I may not have done it perfectly, but I have to live with that. I sell my house to create peace of mind that nothing can hold me back, not a debt anyway. I buy a ticket to Canada, apply for a working holiday and find a job, and beyond that have no plans. And for the first time in a long time, I am OK with that. My passion is to Start Wandering, defeating a depression that left me feeling trapped, stuck and lost, with a heart thriving and feet itching for the world. Now with half the belongings I have ever had, a visa and a plane ticket I have never felt more free, full of exhilaration and found.

Now I awaken from a disrupted sleep, thoughts vanished, confidence tired, but passion still thriving.


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